Your Human(TM) Pet Care Instructions

[FR] Désolé, cet article est disponible uniquement en anglais.

[ES] Lo siento, este artículo sólo está disponible en inglés.

[EN] Sorry, this article is only available in English.

1526humantm[EN] Dear fellow Venusian,

HumansTM are independent yet delicate creatures. Please follow these instructions thoroughly to keep your HumanTM healthy and happy.

1) Nutrition: HumansTM are omnivorous creatures, which means they can eat all sorts of food. Provide your human with an all-purpose HumanTM granulated food. You can also complement its diet with fresh grains, vegetables, meat and even some fish, but don’t use Venusian food or plants which can be toxic for them. For extra fun, install a kitchen its cage and watch it cook its own food. Some rare breeds of HumanTM are vegetarian, in this case, ask your local pet shop for special supplies. Always give HumansTM a source of fresh water.

2) Hygiene: wash your HumanTM once a week by using pressurized water. Some Humans(TM) enjoy taking baths, so a pond in its case may be useful. Remember also to change the hay on their beds once a month.

3) Entertainment: HumansTM are curious creatures and are easily entertained. Set a couple of exercise machines in its cage to keep it fit and healthy. Install a TV near its bed to keep it quiet, but don’t forget to turn it off regularly to avoid your Human(TM) turn lazy and fat. Some keepers have tried to raise two or more HumansTM in the same cage. Be careful, as they are highly aggressive and territorial animals and they could attempt to kill each other. Ask your pet shop owner to find the most suitable combination of them to be kept together.

4) Health: HumansTM fall sick very easily, so it is important to protect them from sun exposure (by giving them umbrellas during the summer) and from low temperatures (by using blankets). If the cage is too humid or dirty, HumansTM can catch many diseases, so be sure to clean all their dejections regularly. Bring your HumanTM to the veterinary as soon as you see it behaving strangely. Average HumanTM life in captivity is 60 years, but some pet owners have managed to keep them even for 90 years. Follow these simple instructions and your HumanTM will grow strong.

Enjoy your HumanTM pet.


Le futur des mots de passe


[FR] Comme tous les matins, Paulo Dresde s’assied devant son terminal d’internet, ouvre bien les yeux et pense à son chat. Nous sommes en l’an 2027, et les mots de passe ont été remplacés par des scans rétiniens, combinés avec des images mentales produites par l’usager (que personne n’a réussi encore à contrefaire). Dans notre cas, Paulo pense à un chat qu’il avait quand il avait huit ou neuf ans, assis à côté de la fenêtre, avec la lumière du soleil faisant briller son dos. Paradoxalement, à force de le visualiser, le souvenir du chat a perdu toute sa signification originelle, et son image ne représente plus pour lui que le travail et les contenus liés au terminal.

[ES] Como cada mañana, Paulo Drede se sienta delante de su terminal de internet, abre bien los ojos y piensa en su gato. Estamos en el año 2027, y las contraseñas escritas han sido reemplazadas por escáneres de retina combinados con una imagen mental producida por el usuario (las cuales todavía no se han logrado falsificar). En este caso, Paulo piensa en un gato que tenía cuando contaba entre ocho o nueve años, sentado al lado de la ventana, con la luz del sol haciendo brillar su lomo. Paradójicamente, a fuerza de visualizarlo, el recuerdo del gato ha perdido su significado original, y ahora su imagen ha pasado a representar el trabajo y los contenidos que se encuentran en el interior de la terminal.

[ENG] As every morning, Paulo Dresde sits in front of his internet terminal, opens his eyes wide and thinks of his cat. We are in year 2027 and written passwords have been replaced by retinal scans, combined with a mental image produced by the user (that nobody has been capable of counterfeiting). In this case, Paulo thinks of a cat that he had when he was eight or nine years old, sitting beside the windowsill, with the sunlight shining through its back. Paradoxically, by visualizing it over and over, the memory of the cat has lost its original meaning, and its image has ended representing the work and contents stored inside the terminal.